"Bad week Hangover"

Have you ever had one of those weeks, the ones that just seam to get worse as they go....Well I guess that was mine last week as you could tell from my post last night. 
I hate that I post more when I have a lot going on...I don't mean to sound negative I guess, it's just how I run, how I vent, how I get things out. 

This week I have "Bad week hangover" it's when all the bad crap that happened a few days before floods your brain for the next several days. 

I also happened to have lost my great Aunt from cancer Saturday, so the funeral will as always bring all of that up again. 

Like most people will say, that is part of life. The part of life that really in a word Sucks. No ones wants to say good bye, no one was ready to, no matter how much you know it's coming it makes it no easier it still hurts like hell.

Last week my trust was broken by someone who promised I could trust them ... Someone I was helping out. They pretended to be someone they weren't and stole 1800 dollars from  me....which is in all honesty money I do not have. I don't want to go into to detail on this but, it was a lesson I didn't want to learn that way. I am still very upset that someone could just take my money from under me like that and not get into trouble...it sickens me to the core that there are people out there like that, doing that every day ...to people who barely are getting by. I guess when I said I couldn't trust people I was right.

"Bad Week Hangover" sucks, you don't sleep well...every little thing that happens makes you want to burst out into tears and you feel like a babbling idiot. You might not want to talk to people as much as normal...you may not feel as chipper. The last thing you want to do is hear your alarm go off to get up for work in the morning.

If you have ever had "Bad week hangover" before you know what you have to do to deal with it. Just like I know what I have to do. 

I know in the long run I'll be fine and life will go on no matter what. I also know that I have amazing strong people surrounding me to help me a long. I also know that my family is there for me and is going threw this loss with me. 

  I can't begin to explain how it feels to see someone pass away, it's in a sense a feeling of gratitude that your there with that person, but also feelings of helplessness because no matter what you do, you can't bring them back...you can't fix them, you can't help them...all you can do is watch and cry your heart out for them. You keep thinking there going to turn there head and look at you...you keep waiting for there chest to rise and fall no matter how much you hope and pray...it doesn't.

Bad week hangover sucks I just hope things get better from here. I am in a great need of "better"

Until next time, I hope you are well and if you've ever had "Bad week hangover" Know your not alone!

Life weights.

Sometimes, life seams to much to bare.
I want to throw my hands up and scream for all to hear.
I'm not aloud to though must keep my composure, must paint a smile on. Have to rip myself out of bed every day to go on.
   I don't know if bad luck streaks are real but, I do think mine should be about over. I know that life is a lot of what you make it but, those things I can't make, or control or fix drive me close to mad. The wheels in my head turn  and turn and if I cant fix it I feel deep sadness or anger. You know what I mean? Those big life changing things you cant fix or change...deaths, money problems, life stresses.....They are all the burdens of our lives. They like to strike us all at once and weigh us down....they hurt my shoulders and make me feel lost and helpless. I personally can barely handle this feeling. I don't like things I can't fix or can't help ....I find myself lost in a few of these situations right now. 
I'm doing my best which doesn't seam to be enough sometimes....why can't I do more? I think some people expect me to do more sometimes at the snap of a finger to change things in my life, things I really can't. I already have feelings of helplessness so I don't need to be pushed. 
I know you must be lost in my ranting of feelings by now and for that I am sorry. I have too much flowing threw my mind right now. Sometimes it just needs to come out. 
On top of everything Anxiety likes to creep up on me when times seam to be worse. These things I can't control make it all seam worse they make life seam unbearable no matter what I do.
In the end, when I calm down and stop being so upset...I hope everyone knows I am doing the best I can and I mean well....
I hope those special to me know how much I care and value them and even when I am going threw a rough time and seam so upset I could not ever make it threw without them.
I guess keeping your head up, keeping good energy flowing, never giving up and moving on is the only thing you can do....