Stop feeding my demons.

Do you know what I find horrible? 

    When you are already feeling down and icky. You know? Just one of those moods that you sometimes get stuck in? While you feel this way, people from everywhere seem to make it worse. Whatever happened to a little understanding among humans?? I am human, you are human WE ARE ALL HUMAN....Why do we continue to judge people based on the little facts we think we know about them? I can not begin to understand why. It seams like every time I am feeling down or going through a rough faze, people love to talk about me. They love to say things behind my back. They tell everyone else they issues with me....except me..... This I do not understand. I am not one of those people that leaves issues unsolved. I can not solve an issue if I am not aware of it. So this is when I say: Stop feeding my demons! I am already hard enough on my self, with my looks and my weight. I already worry about what people think about me. I don't need people to talk about me behind my back. If you have an issue say it. Don't talk about it with everyone else but the person you have it with. I cant stand it. I know I am venting, people will probably judge for that. Oh my gosh she has feelings??! HOW HORRIBLE. ugg. Kinda makes me sick to my stomach.
I guess no one cares to take the time to get to know me and better understand why I do what I do. I have been threw so much in my life and don't need people judging me for it. I dont judge people, I get to know them as a person. I can't do that if they don't give me that chance.I know everyone has a story to be heard. I respect that. Why cant I get that back? I guess I don't understand........I am human. I am not perfect. I do not want to be. I accept people how they are. I have an open mind. I just don't understand what some people find so wrong with me?
As you can see I am not having the best week. I feel like all I am getting is bad news. Its the kind of week where you want to hide under a rock and just stay there. Forever.

 

This is me and my Grandpa Castor, I must have been about five or six years old. My Grandpa was an amazing man. He started a business and helped so many people, with what he had. I miss him a lot this week. I don't know whats got it on my mind but, I miss him. I went and saw his grave sight today, it's been forever since I have been. It felt good to go, I was having a horrible day and I got there and say down in front of his grave. A wind blew and a calm seamed to come over me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I regret not telling My Grandpa how much I loved him. I am often upset I never got to say good bye because he suffered a sudden illness.....Death is such a hard topic to discuss and many people probably hate to read about it. I am not trying to stir up feelings of sadness or, pity. I am simply sharing. I was so excited when my cousin found this picture on her computer. I added the words and the heart. I love how we are standing, we look so over whatever it is that is going on. When I look at this picture, I see the old army jeep that took us on so many adventures. My cousins and I would pile in the back and my grandpa would take us mudding in the woods. We all held on and laughed so hard and had a great time. I remember one time when we where done with our adventure all of our faces where covered in mud! It was so awesome! These memories are the ones I hold dear to my heart and make me smile when I think of them. Some days I wish I could just go back, and relive one of those memories and tell him how much fun I had with him.Hopefully he just knew, by the smiles on our faces how much fun it was.

I love you Grandpa <3

It's been too long!

Hello everyone!

It's been way to long since I have written!!

I graduated from LNA class a couple weeks ago!!

I am well on my way to getting a new very decent job :) I am so excited and I must say proud of myself!!

I did something I thought I could never ever do!! 

I have been completely humbled by the whole experience....To see people who have no choice but to let others take care of them....its completely humbling. It has taught me to never judge another for the disabilities they may have or the way they may act. No matter what they do, they can't help who they are or how they are. I have found something that lets me use all of my gifts. This makes me think of how many people I have known, that do not know how to use there gifts.

If you have been given a gift, an ability or something special use it!! It is meant to be shared and used ! I am thankful I have been taken down a path where I can use mine. Its feels fantastic!!

Go out there and see what life has to offer!!